At the start of the mission, everyone tells you how the mission goes by so quickly and how every transfer goes faster than the last, etc etc. And now I found out that they weren't lying. Today I have been on my mission for 8 months and I still feel like I just got here, it's a feeling that apparently never leaves you in the mission.
This week there is really nothing that happened besides my personal growth and testimony being strengthened by everything that has happened in the past week. We have some people though we hope to be working with in this coming week, hopefully it all works well.
Before this transfer begun, everyone told me how when you become District, Zone leader or a trainer, all of your weaknesses come out and I didn't realize how big of a slap in the face it would be. Being District Leader was super overwhelming, I started to doubt I was good enough for the assignment and I struggles to understand what I needed to do, I didn't understand how I could help these sisters that I had been entrusted with and it was really hard! But I think the hardest thing I needed to do was let go of my pride and what hurt the most was realizing that I hadn't been relying on the Lord the way that I needed to. After that, everything changed. Okay, it hasn't been the easiest, but it has become easier and day by day, little by little it's getting better and better. Mosiah 2:11 really helped me with this also to understand my purpose and what I needed to do, I was being told, but it didn't make sense until I had read this scripture.
"But I am like as yourselves, subject to all manner of infirmities in body and mind; yet I have been chosen by this people, and consecrated by my father, and was suffered by the hand of the Lord that I should be a [district leader] over this people; and have been kept and preserved by his matchless power, to serve you with all the might, mind and strength which the Lord hath granted unto me."
I come to the realization this week that the Atonement has so many different doors, some for physical pain and sickness, some for emotional pain, some for spiritual lacking, one for sin and shortcomings, and the new one I have learnt about is the atonement in leadership. Some of these doors we have found the key, turned it, unlocked it and have the door wide open, others we don't know how to turn the key and then some others where we don't even know where the key, or the door is! This is something that I have learnt, this week I was looking for the key, now I'm learning little by little how to unlock the door. The scriptures have helped me so much in this, it's amazing how aware the Lord is of what we need at the exact right moment and time. This week in my personal studies I am in Mosiah and I was reading chapter 4, I felt like I had never read the chapter before in my life with so many new things coming into my heart and mind, after studying it out, I have never been so excited to repent! Repentance is one of the most joyful doctrines of Jesus Christ, it allows us to be clean and feel the love of God in a completely new way, it allows us to see God, the world and ourselves in a new perspective and light.
"2 And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.
3 And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy,having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the words which king Benjamin had spoken unto them.
6 I say unto you, if ye have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering towards the children of men; and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world, that thereby salvation might come to him that should put his trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith even unto the end of his life, I mean the life of the mortal body—
10 And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them.
11 And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you,unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.
12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true."
These passages of scripture entered into my heart so strongly and I knew what the Lord needed me to do, I knew that as I repented and turned to the Lord for all my shortcomings that He would make up for the rest and that everything would turn out, I didn't need to make a list of everything, He already knows. I just needed to let go of pride and humble myself before Him and submit to His will and through this I would gain a greater understanding of what I needed to do, and it has helped tremendously.
I am learning to rely on the Lord in a way I have never had to before and that's exciting, I love coming to know my savior more fully and feeling a greater joy in all that I doe, just as it says in verse 12.
This week a few things have happened that really testify to me that the Lord is aware of who I am, what I need, who I can become, where I need to be and who I need to met. Everyday I have seen little evidences of this and I know that He loves me so much, I know that He wants to help me with everything that I do. As I turn to him and walk closer to Him, he is taking those steps closer to me to. I feel like Peter where I was walking fine and I started to sink, but I was close enough to the Savior for him to reach out and grab me, to save me from the wins and waters of the world, to save me from my own doubts and lack of faith. I continue to grow and continue to increase my testimony of my Savior, of the Book of Mormon, of Joseph Smith, of a living prophet, of temple work and Eternal Families.
I know the gospel to be true with all I have, I know it and it confuses me as to why others can't see it also. I love this gospel, I love sharing it with all the world, I love bearing testimony of a living prophet in the home of a prophet (the Beehive House), I love this work and I love the Lord so much. I am striving each day to become more like him. Everyday gets a little bit better than the last and if we are doing a little better as each day goes by, that's all that is asked of us.
Sorry it was such a weird email, as I said before, there was nothing that really happened besides my own personal testimony and growth in the gospel this past week, which is what I needed.
I love you all, I'm grateful for all you do, every email I received this week was exactly what I needed so thank-you! keep being inspired and keep smiling.
Love, Sister Ryan xx
